Wednesday, September 09, 2009
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
fear #1: spiders
her: today, i found a hobo spider in my garage.
me: a hobo spider? is that scary?
her: courtney, i would have rather found an actual hobo in my house.
me: yikes.
her: it is the size of my hand, like a tarantula. it bites you and your skin just starts dying all around. sometimes waiting until months after it's bitten you.
me: that is horrific.
her: i think i need counseling. i feel like they're everywhere.
me: maybe you should name it. take some of the power out of it.
her: i considered that...
me: like "Harry, the hobo spider".
her: it also has these fang-looking things hanging from its mouth, that are actually the male's genitalia.
me: wow, "Harry, the well-hung hobo spider."
her: Harry sounds like hairy, so that works.
me: what about Hubert?
her: or Howard.
me: actually, Hubert says "employed" to me, so that won't work.
her: Hector?
[pause]
me: is that a racist joke?
her: not intentionally...
me: because that would be more like "Hector, the day laborer".
her: wow
me: now i just see you loading up hobo spiders in the bed of your truck.
her: i meant like Hector, from Silence of the Lambs, but now I see how your mind works.
me: yeah, well...that was Hannibal Lector, so now I see how your mind works...
her: ...or doesn't...
me: a hobo spider? is that scary?
her: courtney, i would have rather found an actual hobo in my house.
me: yikes.
her: it is the size of my hand, like a tarantula. it bites you and your skin just starts dying all around. sometimes waiting until months after it's bitten you.
me: that is horrific.
her: i think i need counseling. i feel like they're everywhere.
me: maybe you should name it. take some of the power out of it.
her: i considered that...
me: like "Harry, the hobo spider".
her: it also has these fang-looking things hanging from its mouth, that are actually the male's genitalia.
me: wow, "Harry, the well-hung hobo spider."
her: Harry sounds like hairy, so that works.
me: what about Hubert?
her: or Howard.
me: actually, Hubert says "employed" to me, so that won't work.
her: Hector?
[pause]
me: is that a racist joke?
her: not intentionally...
me: because that would be more like "Hector, the day laborer".
her: wow
me: now i just see you loading up hobo spiders in the bed of your truck.
her: i meant like Hector, from Silence of the Lambs, but now I see how your mind works.
me: yeah, well...that was Hannibal Lector, so now I see how your mind works...
her: ...or doesn't...
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